Turning Over a New Leaf

How many days has it been since I have written in my blog? 2-3 days maybe. Since I finished my Ielts and didn't have the mood to be bloging anymore as I used to blog because I wanted to improve my English writting. Well, I'm glad it is over but I'm sure I didn't do well at it at all. There are a lot of things I missed and couldn't think of. But there is nothing much I can do now. Just move foward and sulk thinking I could have done better. That is what us humans would think when something goes wrong or does not go according to what we planned.

Hence, I'm turning over a new leaf. Yesterday, I cleaned the whole apartment. The couch, under the couch, the coffee table, under the coffee table, the living room, the dining area, and most importantly my room; all nice and neat now. Now, I'm starting to wonder, how long will this last? I'm hoping it will last for a long time. I'm pretty proud of myself seeing that this is my 1st time cleaning and arranging this apartment and with so many things they still can look pretty neat. *laughs*

From now onwards, I will try my best to be more disciplined and more hardworking than before. I will too try my best to play more and make full use of my time. Last but not least, I do need to start studying and making up for all the things that I slack off and didn't study when I was back at uni and now.. need to start applying theory into real life. Wish me luck guys~

Future Plans

On the 17th March, I went to hang out with my group of friends whom I haven't met for quite sometime. Hanging out with them makes me feel like I am me, and I'm not the only one who are facing problems in my nursing career. Some of them have funny stories from their workplace. Some just are just like me. Eventhough I have my exam coming up in 2 days, I still can't stop listening and talking to them. I just feel that the exam does not exist anymore although I did kept thinking about it, but i just won't take the book out and read.

Following on, my best friend's brother bought a land and currently finished making the plan of how the house would look like. Then, all of a sudden, I have the urge to buy a house too, thinking of what it will be like to live in a neighbourhood of people that are your best friends and colleauges. Isn't that cool? Scanning through all the beautiful pics and decorations and designs, imagining myself living in a beautiful home like that would really be a dream come true. But looking at the price of the house is a nightmare that I have to go through to have a dream come true. Why can't money just fall from the sky? Why must there be an existence of money? It is so clear to me now why people can have depression over small little matters.

Sitting on the fence

Today, I sat outside QUT at the Garden's Point Campus in the city. Looking at the students walking past me smiling and chatting with their friends brought back memories of my own personal experience when I was studying in Uni. But I couldn't forget the times that I struggled to meet deadlines of assignments, staying till late at night in uni and the preparation of exams, eventhough, I could remember that I didn't put a lot of effort into studying when I am suppose to (I'm a last minute person). Maybe this is just me. I just couldn't put my concentration into studying or studying is just not for me. Come to think of it, if I could turn back time, I would probably enjoy uni more now. But thinking of going back to uni to study again scares me too. Because, if things don't go well, I might need to go back to uni to do Masters. Now I feel like im sitting on a fence as I couldn't choose which side of the fence I want to get off and land in. But I do know, either sides will have challenges that I have to go through in order to reach my goal.

In order to reach my goals either ways, I have to change. I cannot expect people to change for me as its not their problem that I'm like this. I just have to pick myself up and crawl my way through the mess that I have caused. I could only blame myself for not waking up early enough to realize all of this. In the end, I will have to thank all the people who supported me and wake me up from my childish doings. From now onwards, I will earn heaps of money and use my time to the fullest as I have really realize now, life is really too short to sit around waiting for things to happen. When you want to do something, don't dream, take action and your dream will come true. I have got to go back to studying for my exam will be back tomorrow. Cheers.

If there is an if only

At this very moment, I haven't gone to bed yet. I just got lectured by a person about me, my life, my path and my plans. It has been a little to much and I havent been able to absorb in all into my brain. A very unorganized person like me is going to take alot of effort to get organized. If only I would only take more intrest in what I want to do and what I'm planning to do and plan it properly. I believe that I have not learned how to take a step into the real world. I feel so alone at this very moment not knowing what am I suppose to do and feeling that no one is actually listening to what I really want to achieve in life. As those who heard what I want will say that I'm not on the right track and what I want and think is wrong. It is not that I do not like money or earn money. But at this moment I feel to messed up to have anything to be done properly. What I really want is just some time! Although I know too that I'm not young anymore to be childish. Most or all of the people will be thinking that I'm just looking for excuses and that I'm trying to run away from difficult times. True... I always find excuses but is anyone able to understand that it is very difficult for a person like me to do things without support? I have fear for what I'm doing or what I'm about to do..am I right or not?I do not know anymore.. But I do believe that God have sent alot of angels around me to help and support me over the past 3 years. Maybe that is why I have been so dependent on them. Or maybe this is just another excuse from me for not wanting to face the truth or fact that I'm not capable of doing things properly on my own. If only I would be more organized and planned! Things and all might work out very differently right now... If only ...

Stress?

Today, I do not know what to write yet. Maybe it will come along later as I type along. Now the top on my worry list is getting a band 8 in my General Ielts Exam this coming saturday. The pressure is now on me. I will not deny that I do not know much about the world and what is happening to the economy of the countries in the world. But that does not mean I'm not competent in my English writing and usage of English.

Maybe some will ask why would I need to sit for this exam? To apply for PR is the answer, but why would I want to be a PR in Australia? The answer is, Since I have studied here for 3 years. Why not? The other question is, if it takes this much effort and time with stress with a deadline to meet. Will it be worth it? Will I be using the PR here? Will I stay here for a long time? Will I plant my roots here? Will this place be the place I will want to stay? This I have no answer to, hence I'm struggling to apply PR before the deadline. Which all seems impossible to be happening within 3 months.

Now, at this time, I should be practicing my writing skills. Just as I read the question, my mind went blank and I could only think, I want to read the answers now because I can't write anything and I don't know how to write it. Even with blogging, I could only write about.... basically, nothing. This is all for now, maybe will write again later if I found something to write about.

Returning to blogging

Hi, I don't know who are still keeping up with blogging or reading blogs but I'm sure I wasn't. Time has passed and I haven't blogged for almost three years, I suppose.

Recently, I have received emails about people who commented on my old post which leads me to reading my own old blogs. I have realized that they were very bad blogs. Hahaha. The other reason that brings me back to blogging is because that I feel there is a need to practice my English as I will be sitting for my IELTS exam for the 4th time. A friend told me that by blogging I can improve my English writing or composition I guess.

Up to this state, I have a lot of ideas of what I want to write and have a lot of interesting stories to tell. There is just too much that I can't get them in order and put them in proper words and sentences. Or maybe i don't have proper or good enough vocabulary to describe the actual feeling and happenings. I have been in a lot of dilemma and seems like there are a lot of things disturbing me. Or maybe I'm just not organized enough and too lazy.

Up to this date, I'm still very dependent on everyone and everything around me. I still don't or can't make up my mind and make a decision in my life and a path I would like to take. Some people have a goal in their life and make their way through it through rocks and pebbles. I do have a goal or you should say, TOO many goals in life that i want to achieve, but in what way to achieve them? I don't know. As I have just mentioned, maybe I depend on other people to achieve what I want and thinking they will help me to do so.

Things and thoughts and life has been going through my head at this moment. I do not deny that I love to spend time doing unproductive things like watching movies, dramas, going to theme parks, parties, clubbing, the beach and hanging out with my friends a lot. If it is possible, I hope to do that everyday, but I also know that is "impossible" as I'm not one of those lucky people who can do so. I know I need to work to survive and live on while doing things that I want to do. Hence, my feeling at the moment is..... 24 hrs a day is not enough at all especially I love to spend time sleeping too.

Sometimes I just wish life could be much simpler than this. I'm not going through depression just laziness..... Hahaha.. Will try to write tomorrow again.

Soi~esT Day In Aus

I will explain when im free....=p