If there is an if only

At this very moment, I haven't gone to bed yet. I just got lectured by a person about me, my life, my path and my plans. It has been a little to much and I havent been able to absorb in all into my brain. A very unorganized person like me is going to take alot of effort to get organized. If only I would only take more intrest in what I want to do and what I'm planning to do and plan it properly. I believe that I have not learned how to take a step into the real world. I feel so alone at this very moment not knowing what am I suppose to do and feeling that no one is actually listening to what I really want to achieve in life. As those who heard what I want will say that I'm not on the right track and what I want and think is wrong. It is not that I do not like money or earn money. But at this moment I feel to messed up to have anything to be done properly. What I really want is just some time! Although I know too that I'm not young anymore to be childish. Most or all of the people will be thinking that I'm just looking for excuses and that I'm trying to run away from difficult times. True... I always find excuses but is anyone able to understand that it is very difficult for a person like me to do things without support? I have fear for what I'm doing or what I'm about to do..am I right or not?I do not know anymore.. But I do believe that God have sent alot of angels around me to help and support me over the past 3 years. Maybe that is why I have been so dependent on them. Or maybe this is just another excuse from me for not wanting to face the truth or fact that I'm not capable of doing things properly on my own. If only I would be more organized and planned! Things and all might work out very differently right now... If only ...